John McCain isn’t content to flail hopelessly. He now has to make a complete embarrassment of himself by knighting himself Savior of the Economy. He has decided to suspend his already dead campaign so he can run to Washington and save everyone from evil capitalists. Populists rejoice.
Here are 9 good reasons John McCain should sulk back to his dark little corner and let people who know what they are doing fix things.
- He isn’t the Stephen Hawking of economics.
- He isn’t president.
- Someday, he will have to debate issues with Barack Obama.
- If he actually shows up in the Senate they’ll have to scrape the dust off the seat he’s left vacant since January. He already missed votes on the GI bill, energy policy, and basically everything that has gone through the Senate including, I’m sure, insignificant bills that would have saved your children from terrorists. But those weren’t important.
- He knows less about economics than Sarah Palin knows about foreign policy. The McCain campaign will soon announce that McCain’s wife sometimes let him look at her credit cards and he is, therefore, an expert on the economy.
- It’s only been a month since the last time he promised to end his vacation from his elected duties and return, triumphantly, to DC to save the economy.
- They don’t want your ‘help’.
- The last time he was involved in ‘fixing’ banks the dang economy almost collapsed. I think it would be in our best interest if he started fretting about liberal media conspiracy again.
- Having a press conference (first one in eons) to have your picture taken in Washington pretending you are actually doing something is not suspending your campaign. That’s called a publicity stunt. He’d have more luck posing with Paris Hilton.
I would have done 10 but I have decided to suspend my blogging and return to Utah and save the beleaguered and collapsing education system. ‘Cause, you know, I’m an expert on all things educatiomanal.
I wait, in rabid anticipation, for John McCain to sweep in and save us all from sure economic destruction. I’m so glad he’s there for us. It’s like he’s superman for our wallets. And everybody loves superman.
